There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
