How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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