hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm having to shit out rocks
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
