According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
