Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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