it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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