well I can't set my house on fire every night
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
and she was petting her beer can
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
