I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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