If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
