will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
