Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
