Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
