farters have to be the big spoon...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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