Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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