I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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