i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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