my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
