She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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