I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
