There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
