Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
not ubering you a puppy
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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