I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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