I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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