u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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