I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
