But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
