it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
whose ass print is on the piano?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
