so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
