In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
