You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
