All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
