haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
