Ketchup is God's man juice
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
