When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
