Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
