WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
