OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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