I can tuck mytits in my pants
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
