I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Enjoy the penises
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
