Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
