i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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