Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
