Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
