i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
