i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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