ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
