I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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