Umm I'm too high to move.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
