The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
my shit smells like andre
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
