I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
