You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
