The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
